It’s me, hi, I’m the cautionary tale, it’s me.

Up until very recently, I thought I could have my cake and eat it too. Which honestly, seems logical. I have cake. I want to eat it. I win.

I’m looking around though, observing my friends like I do, and I have noticed something. And it makes me think this:

I cannot chose to go east and also go west at the same time. Can’t go right and also left. No way can I travel the high road and also the low road. I pick one, and that’s the one I pick.

So while I was out there living my life, travelling, getting confident, buying houses, finding myself, developing and excelling at my career, other people were doing that but they also picked a travelling companion first. They all got married.

So I’m here now, in my late forties, which I can’t even believe is a thing, and I’ve lived my life by and for myself all of this time, and I find myself now being the cautionary tale.

This, my fellow travelers, is what you have to be ready for if you don’t choose the well-worn path.

I’ve been told I’m intimidating. A male friend once told me that I “reek of confidence” (what?). So as much as I’d like to be me and yet also have a cool partner that makes my life better, evidently I went east, everyone else went west, and sorry, but them’s the rules. You get one path.

My friends all have spouses at home who are watching the kids, or they spend their time together going from kid event to kid event. I’m mostly concerned with my cats and myself. I sleep a lot on the weekends (I do suspect though, that’s how I look ten years younger than I am). I do not want children.

Now, I would never, ever, tell someone that they shouldn’t be unabashedly themselves, confident beyond measure if they are on the right path for them. But, I am feeling that there are some drawbacks. Sacrifices. Have cake, or eat it. Not both. So, be aware.

Once again I find myself on the quiet end of a texting conversation that I started with a guy. He didn’t have to accept my initial invitation, and at this point I wish he hadn’t. I now get to be the person to let him off the hook, as it’s become very obvious that he’s not interested. Let’s just go ahead and stick a fork in this one, shall we? You’re free to go.

I thought I could have a cool, independent life and also have someone in my life who made it better. Someone who also had their shit together, had their own friends and activities and was able to let someone in who might improve and already good life. It would seem, though, that is not the way it’s going to go for me.

So I’m going to keep having an awesome life, making sure my cats are happy, hanging out with my friends, enjoying my activities, and intimidating the hell out of men.

I read in a book once… what would you do if you knew for sure that you would never meet someone and fall in love? How would you live your life?

Well, I’ll keep living this one. I choose me. I choose the full and wonderful life I’ve made.

Maybe I’m not the problem after all.