Today, I am very unhappy.

Michigan experienced out-of-the ordinary rainfall on Friday (my area got about 4-1/2″), causing power outages and flooding, including in my basement. The basement that I’ve spent the last several months and many thousands of dollars repairing and updating in the hopes of getting to the point where I don’t ever have water in my basement. No more ruined carpet. No more wet drywall.

Well.

It turns out that a) my waterproofed basement isn’t waterproof, and b) my new beautiful back entry holds water. I’m not going to go into the whys and explanations of how this happened, but I will sum it up: Bad drainage system overload.

Yesterday a restoration crew came and dismantled my basement, so I’m basically back to where I was for several months over the winter. There are huge power-sucking fans running down there, making it sound like I have a major server farm in my downstairs. Looking forward to dealing with that background noise during my meetings on Monday and Tuesday.

Friday night, as I realized that things were going in a very bad direction, I started hauling what I could carry upstairs. It is now on Sunday afternoon and I just finished getting things back up to a usable condition, reaching what I’d call organized chaos. My sitting room is also now the TV room, and my 4-person dining table is also my desk. A third of my house is unusable.

Two companies are involved in this disaster: the hardscape contractor, and the waterproofing contractor. I intend to get them both here at the same time and let them decide who is at fault. I am going to get a co-worker to do a drone flight to map the topography of my lot to identify the highs, lows, and slopes, so that the next drainage solution is bulletproof.

I was very calm during the crisis. I’ve been nice and calm dealing with everyone so far. The emergency was dealt with. But I’m really, really unhappy today.

Additionally, next weekend is Independence Day weekend. Another fun-filled family and friend-centric holiday where people gather and enjoy the summer and each other.

I find myself with no family around, and no friend family as a stand-in (Those ensemble friend group shows are lies). No plans. No cookouts, parties, or fireworks displays. Most people I am friends with have families and places to travel to for gatherings (up north!). I do not. Nor do I have invites. This is the downside of having moved to a new state and being single.

Again I feel like the puzzle piece that fits in nowhere, and gets tossed into a drawer. Can’t really throw me away, but I don’t really have a place, either. (Shout-out to my one friend who I text with every day and who makes me laugh and gives me support and also makes time to hang out with me. You are A+ and you know who you are.)

So I’ll put on my single-independent-life-is-wonderful face and fill the extra time. Drink a lot. Sit on my terrace and stare at the park. Take the kayak out alone. Maybe go for a solitary bike ride. Take a bunch of naps. Steel myself for Monday morning stories of all the fun family get-togethers my friends and co-workers enjoyed.

I’ve always been a weird, overly independent person. But I wish I had a tribe. A group that always wanted me around, even during family-type holidays. Whatever it is about me, I don’t think it’s going to change at this point. I’m going to keep having to make my own fun, loneliness be damned. This looming solitary holiday reminds me though that there is a big difference between being alive and living.